I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
My computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
My wife said I’m too immature and if I don’t grow up it’s going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha, she said 'erect'.
Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate
Doctors waiting rooms need better music ... And softer lighting ... And more women ... And a pole in the middle of the room ... And a buffet.
I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.
Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.
I swear my pillow was a hairstylist in a previous life. I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.
Oh I’m sorry! I didn’t realise you were giving me a dirty look…I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!!
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
I love it when my computer says " are you sure you want to continue unprotected "
"Vini, Vedi, Velcro" ... I came, I saw, I stuck around!
Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory
NEVER trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.
Sometimes your Knight in shinning armour is just an idiot wrapped in tinfoil
If Barbie's so popular why do u have to buy her friends
I enjoy walking through the intensive care unit dressed as the grim reaper
When YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook merge, will it be called YouTwitFace?
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