Quotables

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. - Mark Twain

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. -- George Bernard Shaw

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. -- Bill Cosby

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. -- Buddy Hackett

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Mark Twain

Today is one of those days when I'm so busy doing nothing that I don't have time for anything else.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

The sole purpose of a middle name, is so you know when you're really in trouble.

Why use the phrase "for shits and giggles"? Who the heck shits then giggles?

dammit I'm mad spelled backwards is dammit I'm mad.

WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS ..... BRING ON THE TEQUILA.