Manly Man Lesson No. 101

Thank you gentlemen for attending this weeks meeting of the Manly Man Club.

Today's lesson from 'The Manly Guide to Manliness in a Less Manly World Because of Those Sissy-assed Liberals' by Professor H. Umpsalott is 'Lesson 101: How To Choose Your Mate for the Evening'. This is actually a reprint of Lesson 73, and Lesson 37, and also Lesson No.1. The reason for the repetition is due to the lesson's importance in laying the ground work for Lessons 102, and 74, and 38, and No. 2: 'Getting Her Horizontal', which is what being a manly man is about.

We begin with her wardrobe. What a woman wears speaks volumes about her personality. Women spend an inordinate amount of time shopping and dressing. A woman is what she wears. Does her attire say she is modest and demure, or does it indicate a less virtuous attitude.

Well then, moving on. Next we shall consider her hands. Again women spend too much time and money adorning their hands with jewelry and accoutrements to catch a manly mans eye. What a woman does with her hands is another keyhole into her soul. Do her hands say she is plain and shy. Are they gaudy indicating vanity or greed? Or is the message much more direct?

Uhhh, yeah. So, now she's dressed and ready. Let's move on to her table manners. A lady's eating habits at the table cannot be overlooked. Does she use the proper utensils for the proper course? Is her napkin folded in her lap? Is she a paragon of etiquette? Is she prim and proper with each taste her mouth takes?

Wowww. Ummm. Okay. I'm gonna need a moment.

Ok, moving on. We must take into consideration her attitude in a public setting. A manly man expects his woman to be lady-like at ALL times. A manly man's women is a reflection of his manliness. You can't be very manly if she isn't very womanly. A manly man's women must be a pillar of ladyishness for all other women to emulate. Always polite and gracious. Always chaste and virtuous.

Then again, there's a much simpler approach to this.

As long as she's got a pretty face. . . .

A nice rack. . . .

And a great ass . . . .

All that other crap doesn't really matter.

So thank you for attending and I look forward to meeting with you next week when we'll discuss 'The Pros and Cons of Whaling'.