Rodney Dangerfield said "I'm so ugly, when I got mugged the guy took his mask off and gave it to me so he wouldn't have to look at me".
20 blondes are lined up outside a nightclub but won't go in. A guy comes along and asks why.
"Because the sign says you must be 21 to enter"
A pretty blonde goes to her doctor and tells him that her whole body hurts wherever she touches herself.
The doctor tells her to show him. So she presses a finger on her arm and grimaces in pain. Then she presses on her knee and cries out. Then she presses against her stomach and almost comes to tears.
"See", she says, "It hurts everywhere"
Doctor says, "Your finger's broke"
I was in the diner at lunch yesterday, when I realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music from the jukebox was really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. As I ate my lunch I noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
